Samantha Faith Cronquist

First of all, thank GOD for saved sign ins and passwords or I never would have found my way back here.  In my defense, there have been several times this past 9 months that I have wanted to blog sooooo badly but due to confidentiality and our awesome, sweet, incredible foster child- I can't.  If you wait for a couple more months, I may be able to tell you more and add more.

At this point, I am sharing our other sweet baby.  Samantha was only alive for 2 1/2 months... 10 weeks and 1 day... 71 days.  Think about that.  Think about what you were doing back at the beginning of January and all that has happened since and that is the amount of time that we had to love and hold and care for our baby.  Thinking she would live.  Thinking we would bring her home.  Planning the medical care, planning her room, planning our lives around her and her needs.  Then she died.  How do you go on from there?  What can you do to show people how important she was to us and our family?  How much we loved her?  How much my body physically ached to hold her? To kiss her? To tell her how much I loved her? When Samantha died, part of me died with her.  Does that mean I don't feel happiness or joy or peace?  No, absolutely not.  I laugh.  I enjoy life. I have peace.  But I miss her every. single. day.  I think about how old she would be.  What she would be doing.  What she would look like.  I miss her.  The best way I can think of to remember her is to pray that no other person goes through what we went through and to do my best to make that happen.  The March of Dimes supports several of the treatments that gave us weeks with Samantha rather than days.  Weeks.  Months. Not days. Time that we can never get back yet time that was so precious.  Time that we will never take for granted.  Please help support us.  Even $5. I know times are hard.  Trust me, I know.  But this is so incredibly important to so many families. Look at your child and think about how you would feel if they weren't around.  If you hadn't been able to see them walk and talk and run and laugh. How much is that worth?  Here is the link to donate.  We will be walking in memory of our sweet baby- please support us.  http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=769352&ct=4&w=6031846&u=ccronq

 I feel like I have only ever shared Samantha in a picture or two so here is the life of my child in a few chosen pictures that share the love and joy that we had for the short time she was with us.

The first photos.  Who knew that Saran Wrap would keep a preemie warm???

Our first time holding her at 7 days old.

Loving on her (and I LOVE this grouchy face!)...

Such a good daddy...

Trying to be a good mom to both a toddler and a baby in the NICU...

Emily loved her so much!

Samantha hated those nightly baths and weight checks!

Saying goodbye...

Samantha Faith Cronquist 6-28-00 - 9-7-00
Forever in our hearts

Bilateral Ureteral Reimplantation Surgery (say THAT five times fast!)

The moment we have been waiting for since April has arrived.  Sophia goes in tomorrow at 11:10 for her surgery.  I realized today that I have not updated the blog since February and for that I apologize.  I know that many of you check weekly, daily, maybe even hourly to see what is going on in our awesome family.  (Bahahahaha!!!)  So since I have last posted...

We found out in April that Sophia's Grade 2 bilateral kidney reflux has progressed to Grade 3 on both sides and that her right kidney shows signs of damage.  Given her age at diagnosis and the continued UTIs, Bilateral Ureteral Reimplantation surgery was recommended.  Essentially, this means the incredibly skilled Pediatric Urologist who makes almost $500,000 a year (and more power to him since he is taking care of my child!!!) will carefully remove her ureters from her bladder and re-implant them lower so there is a 98% chance that her reflux will be corrected.  This gifted doctor (I am not being sarcastic- I have only heard awesome things about him!) only does this surgery on Tuesdays so we were scheduled out to July 3.  I asked about the next week so as not to ruin the 4th of July but the doctor was on vacation that week so that put us back to the 17th which could run her recovery into school time again so we went with the 3rd.  So here we are.  The good news is my friend and co-volleyball player, Rachel, is a Child Life Specialist in this department so she will be around for Sophia.  The other good news is that I was able to get some information from a woman at church who has a daughter who had the exact same surgery at the exact same age.  It is amazing who God puts in our lives at exactly the time that we need them!

The other exciting, crazy, awesome news is that we have moved back into the stage of having an infant.  We got our first foster care placement on June 15 (my favorite sister's birthday) and I am in love.  I can't say a whole lot because of confidentiality but I will say that we will love this little boy and give him the best care that we can for whatever time he is with us!  This has caused a little bit more stress for me with Sophia's surgery because I am going back to making sure that the diapers/wipes/formula, etc are taken care of.  Thank goodness I have awesome friends, Kelly and Micky, who will care for my baby as if he is their own. 

I am heading off to bed now in order to be ready for the long day ahead.  I will update during and after the surgery.  Please pray and keep my sweet baby seven year old in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

Remaining a family of six

The call that we have been waiting for came today at 11:15.  We were informed that we were not selected to adopt this little boy.  I had to go to work at 12:00 which was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do- crawl into bed and be sad.  (I would say cry but those who know me, know that I cry about twice a year.)  So I went to work, made it through, and came home to inform the kids.  Tim broke it to them in a "family meeting".  Emily was very matter-of-fact.  Yes, she is bummed, but she always knew it was a possibility that we would not get him.  Matthew was more concerned about how I was feeling and later confided that he is more nervous about the fostering than the adopting because adopting is forever and we may have to give foster children back.  Abigail sobbed in my lap.  She had her heart set on getting him.  I knew she would be the broken-hearted one.  This has been a rough school year for Miss Abby.  Sophia was her typical happy-go-lucky self.  "That's soooo sad! (pause) So what's for dinner?"

How do I feel about it?  I had a really good feeling for a week but in the last couple of days, I have had a feeling it wouldn't be us.  I don't know if I was just preparing for the worst but this morning taking the kids to school, I was even thinking, "I kind of hope they don't call b/c as long as they don't call, there is some hope."  Don't get me wrong, I am sad.  But I have a peace about it.  We did all we could do and did it the best we could.  There were so many times when it was clear that God was involved.  Time after time and connection after connection that He showed us his presence.  When we had Samantha, I thought that if I prayed enough and long enough and hard enough, that God would allow her to live because to do otherwise would be evidence that prayer didn't work and that He didn't love us.  I learned a hard but important lesson when Samantha died.  I was putting my faith in my faith and not putting my faith in God.  God is perfect; I am not.  God's plan is perfect; mine is not.  God knows what is best for me and my family; I don't.  Most importantly, God loves me.  He loves me with a love that extends beyond anything that happens in this life- good or bad.  My job on this earth is to glorify Him however He sees fit.  I have prayed that God's Will will be done and that He will be glorified however this plays out.  I am, in a way, grieving this little boy who I had already planned our future with and who I was prepared to love (and already did on a certain level) for the rest of his life.  Now, I pray that he is going to a home that will love him and cherish him and show him the love that God has for him.

For us... I don't know what is in store for us, but I am sure it will be awesome.

Family of 7?

So much stuff has happened since the last time I blogged, I don't even know where to begin.  Since I asked for prayers for Amney, I will start by saying that Amney passed away December 6.  She had a strong faith and I have no doubt that she is in Heaven and would never choose to come back to this earth but she sure leaves us missing her.  Abigail was a mess for several days and after a lot of internal debate and prayers, I took her to the visitation and funeral.  I really think that it helped her but she still talks about Amney often.  Of course, as an eight year old, she has a selfish side to her that also worries that she will not get to see Lauren anymore so I have made it clear that she will still get to see her friend often.  Prayers for Lynn and Lauren are still needed as they adjust to not having a wife and mom.

As for our family, so much is happening.  Our home study worker submitted our approved home study and information to DHS on December 30! From that point, DHS has 60 days to approve or deny us as foster/adoptive parents.  We really had no concerns about being denied since our lives have been pretty uneventful as far as things that would cause concern, but the waiting was going to be hard.  A few weeks before all this, the little boy that we are interested in adopting was taken off the website because enough people showed interest that they were going to start the interview process.  I fuh-reaked out but through some frantic e-mails, found out that we would still have time to submit our information.  I got an e-mail on January 11- TWELVE days after our home study was submitted that we get to set up a meeting with this little guy, we got 24 pages of information about him, AND we get to interview with DHS to possibly adopt him!  I got to talk to his current foster mom for about an hour and set up a meeting for TOMORROW!!!!!  Then we set up our interview with DHS for February 1 (Sophia's birthday!) at 1:00.  Everything that we learned about him only makes us want to adopt him even more.  He sounds like such a awesome little guy who has been through a lot but has come through everything with flying colors.  AND THEN (yes, there is more!), later in this same day, I got an e-mail from an unrecognized sender but it was a DHS address so I opened it and we received our ADOPTION APPROVAL!!!  What was supposed to take 60 days only took 12!  Just another time that God has shown Himself through this whole process.

Sooooooo... tomorrow we get to meet our possible future son/brother.  The kids are going with us and are so excited!  This is how our conversations about it have been going... we will be excitedly talking about meeting him and possibly adopting him and then I will tell the kids, "Now, Kids, don't get your hopes up.  This doesn't necessarily mean we will get him.  He will go wherever God feels he needs to be."  Then Tim turns to me and says, "Now, Carrie, don't get your hopes up.  This doesn't necessarily mean we will get him.  He will go wherever God feels he needs to be."  Tim has always had the ability to live in the moment and be content with whatever will happen.  Me?  Not so much.  I am trying to be patient and I have really prayed for peace with whatever happens.  Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't.  The thing that helps me the most is to know that it is our of my control anyway.  It does me no good to sit and worry about what will happen.  The hardest thing for me right now is just the not knowing.  Hopefully in about a month, our days of waiting will be over and we will know for sure if we will be a family of 7!!!

The Snail

A guy was sitting on his couch one day and there was a knock at the door.  He goes and answers the door, looks around, doesn't see anything so he closes the door and goes back to sit on the couch.  A few minutes later, there is a knock at the door so he gets up, answers the door, looks around, doesn't see anything so he closes the door and goes back the sit on the couch.  A few minutes later, there is a knock at the door so he gets up, answers the door, looks around, doesn't see anything so he closes the door and goes back the sit on the couch.  A few minutes later, there is a knock at the door so he gets up, answers the door, looks around, looks DOWN and sees a snail.  The guy is ticked.  He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.  TWO YEARS LATER... same guy is sitting on his couch.  There is a knock at the door.  He goes to answer the door, looks around, looks down and sees the snail.  The snail said, "So... what was THAT all about???"

That really has nothing to do with anything except that it came to mind when I realized that the last time I posted was about 7 weeks ago.  Seriously???  I swear it was last week.  So much for my brilliant plan of keeping up on funny things the kids say and do.  Anyway...

We are officially done with our foster care/adoption classes!  This means that we have our final home study and then hopefully, we are set to go!  On the way to our class tonight, I told Tim, "Do you realize that we could have ________ in less than 6 weeks!!!"  After I performed CPR, we were on our way.  Really, though, it is crazy to think about.  I am trying to continue to not get my hopes up about adopting him.  Okay, that is a lie.  My heart is going to be completely shattered if we don't get him.  That said, I am trusting that God's will be done in this.  I feel like we are the perfect family for that sweet little boy but I don't know the big picture.  Only God does.  So I am working on practicing patience and prayer.

Speaking of prayer, I am begging you for prayers for my friend, Amney.  I met Amney six years ago when Abigail was 2 years old.  We were pool moms.  We took our kids to the pool pretty much every day, which sounds like a weird way to become friends but this is Williamsburg.  Lauren is about 3 weeks younger than Abigail but a good 6 inches taller.  Lauren is Abigail's best friend.  They do not go to the same school nor are they even in the same grade (summer birthdays- we waited) but they are BFFs.  As the girls have gotten to be such good friends, I have gotten to be friends with Amney.  I love her.  I really do.  She is real.  She is genuine.  She is awesome.  I am proud of the fact that I get to call her a friend.  She (very) recently found out that she has advanced kidney cancer.  Advanced.  As in, she is in a lot of pain because the tumors (yes, there is an 's' at the end of that word) have already spread outside of her kidneys and are pressing against her spine.  She is undergoing radiation (M-F) and chemo(Th) and as it shrinks the tumors, it is helping with the pain but she needs prayers.  Prayers for relief from the pain, prayers for healing, and prayers for her family.  I take so much comfort in the fact that she is a believer and she knows that this life is not all that there is; yet I still pray (selfishly) that she is here for a long time.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer so I will end on this note...

Tonight, Tim and I were frantically getting all the paperwork ready for our last class and Abby and Sophia were hanging out with us and Sophia randomly (as she always is) said, "If someone came by who did foster care, I would say, 'Cool!  We have foster kids too!!!'"  Tim said, "Oh, no!  This is top secret.  We can't tell anyone that they are foster kids."  Sophia said in a hushed voice, "Ooooooooooh, so we have to keep them hidden???"  Oh, Sophia... how I love you.

What a great week!

This was such a great week.  We finished up soccer, we had our fourth foster/adoption class, I had my last day of work, we had three GREAT parent/teacher conferences, I had great news regarding subbing, we had our home study, I had my birthday, and tomorrow my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and three beautiful nieces are coming to stay for 2 1/2 weeks!!!  I would not be excited about too many families of 5 coming to visit for that long but I am so stinkin' excited for them to come!!!


Yesterday was bittersweet.  It was my last day of work and while I am excited to be closer to home, I am going to miss some of those kids so much.  The parents were really supportive of what we are doing so that made it easier as well.  However: the idea of NOT having to get up at 5:30 every morning, driving 1 1/2 hours each day (plus the cost of gas!!!), and being so far from the kids in case something happens is such a relief.  I really feel like this is perfect timing and that it is the next right step in our journey.


After work, we had three awesome conferences.  We did not go to Emily's "open conferences" as she is getting good grades and we had no issues.  The other kids are doing awesome in school.  We have truly been blessed with very smart, friendly, respectful, and wonderful kids.  During Sophia's conference, her teacher (who is awesome and has had all 4 of my kids) was saying that she is going to go talk to the principal's about me subbing.  I got an e-mail from her shortly after this saying that they said they are just waiting for my resume.  Ironically, I have been waiting to hear back from them to know how to word my resume.  Saying that my objective is to "obtain ANY SUBBING JOB POSSIBLE (including but not limited to teacher associate, office assistant, cook, server, janitor, cross walk, or even the person that scans the lunch cards)" seemed a little desperate so I was hoping to be specific.  Now that I know they are waiting for it AND that I have a good "in", I am dropping off my resume Monday.


Our home study last night was AWESOME!  Not only does our worker go to our church, she is part of a family that has been there for forever and it was so great to sit and talk with her.  The best thing?  She is so excited about us wanting to possibly adopt this specific child and made about 4 notes for the workers who do the matching (who she shares an office with) that we want this little guy!!!  We had to turn in the kid's paperwork which consisted of either drawing a picture or writing a story of what they thought our family would be like when we were doing foster care.  I hope these are big enough to see because they really are awesome.  Matthew was stressing out about doing it and we had to reassure him several times that there was no right or wrong answer.  This is what he came up with...

Sophia's... "There is Dad, Mom, Emily, Samantha (who is almost as tall as Emily because she would be 11 now), Matthew, Abigail, and me.  Then I just chose a girl whose names that starts with an A but I really don't care"....  (And yes, I know she spelled our last name wrong.)

And Abby... my detail-oriented child.  I love it.   *The specific name is "not allowed" so I blurred it out with my mad computer skills.*

I LOVE that they are so excited for this!!!

Today was my birthday.  Happy birthday to me.  I had an awesome day planned with my great friend, Kelly Jones, and Matthew's great friend, Leighton Jones, and Abigail and Sophia's great friends, K.C. and Jaly Jones.  Yep, our families are a great combo.  The kids get along great, the adults get along great and the dogs will some day get along great (as soon as Kelly sets up that appointment to have Lightning demasculinized).  We were planning on going to the awesome Genoa Farms Pumpkin Farm that a friend started this year.  Two problems.  I woke up with a UTI and Kelly woke up with strep throat.  Great.  (Kelly's birthday is tomorrow and we agreed that it sucks to be sick on your birthday so we get do-overs!)  So this is what we did... we went to my appt in Amana while the 7 kids played in the grass on the side of the doctor's office and waited for my prescription, then we went to the pumpkin farm and played for a while until Kelly had to go to her appointment in Marengo.  What a crazy, not planned, day.  But let me tell you, those kids (and myself) had a BLAST.  It was awesome.  (Oh, and for the "guess the weight of the pumpkin", Abby thought you were supposed to guess how many pumpkin seeds were in the pumpkin.  lmbo)  We spent an hour in the corn maze trying to find all the stamps to get a prize.  The prize?  A free ice cream cone at McDonald's.  We left at about 5:00 to get Kelly's prescription before the pharmacy closed (remember we live in a tiny town where NOTHING is 24 hours).  We promised the kids their ice cream as a bribe to get them to not complain about leaving.  We go to the pharmacy then head to McDonald's.  I have 9, yes 9, free ice cream cone coupons.  I remember I also have a free medium fry coupon.  It is my birthday and I think I deserve some McDonald's fries.  Then all the kids are DYING of thirst, of course.  We get to the speaker and here we go...

Them:  Welcome to McDonald's.  Can I take your order?
Me:  Yeah.  I'll take 9 vanilla ice cream cones and I have coupons for all of them.
Them: Okay, can I get you anything else?
Me: Yeah, I'll also take a medium fry.  Which I also have a coupon for.
Them:  Okay.  Anything else?
Me:  Yeah.  Can I get 9 waters?

Poor Kelly, who couldn't talk, was slapping her knee because she was trying to not laugh because it hurt her throat.  We are all cracking up because I just went through the drive-thru, got 9 cone, fries, and drinks... all for free.  Anyone who knows me knows THAT was the best birthday present ever!!!   (I won't even go into the guy who was giving us the cones who was totally baffled at how my mini-van had room for 9 people.)

The best birthday present until Tim got home.  My dear, sweet, amazing husband got me an iPod Touch.  WE agreed that we were getting a family pass to the rec center for our combined birthday gifts yet he still went out and got me this (and even went to two different stores to get the best price- I have taught him well!!!) because he knew I missed my Blackberry.  The coolest thing about this is that I can face talk and "message" my wonderful sister-in-law even though she will shortly be in Germany!  I am so excited I can hardly type.

Speaking of... it is time for me to set up my new fancy schmancy iPod Touch.  Oh, and did I mention I have an iPod touch????

Two funny conversations

One funny conversation was with Emily (BIG surprise, I know).  Through work, I found out about another family of 6 that makes x (a lot of money but after I got done writing this, Tim says I shouldn't say the amount due to confidentially reasons but it messes up my post so just imagine the largest amount of money you can imagine a family making and triple it!!!) a MONTH.  Now you may think that I meant to type a year, but no really, they make x a MONTH.  I can not even grasp this.  I was thinking about this all day and it happened to be the night I took Emily out for Kid of the Week.  This was the conversation...

Me: I am not going to give you the answer to this question, but I am just curious about your understanding of money in the adult world.  How much do you think Dad and I make a month?
Emily: Um... hm.... $300?
Me: (staring at her) Seriously?  Our house payment is almost $1,000 a month!
Emily: Oh.  Then $1,500?
Me (laughing): Okay, let's go about this a different way.  MOST people, teachers, policemen, carpenters, your typical jobs, make between $40,000-50,000.  Got it?
Emily:  Yeaaaaaaah.
Me:  A family at work makes X!!!
Emily:  (processing, processing, processing, then her jaw drops)
Me:  Yeah, that means we could pay off our house in 2 1/2 months.  That is cuh-razy!
Me: (processing, processing, processing, then...)  Emily, we pay you $20 a week to get the kids ready for school.  Do you really think that we would pay you $20 if we only made $300 a month???  Almost a third of our income???
Emily: Well, when you put it that way.....


Second conversation....
Background:  Matthew is completely obsessed with making Lego safes, Lego candy machines, and Lego pinball games right now.  To be honest, they are cool.  I never knew all the awesome things you could do with Legos.  But anyway, he is making all these candy machines and we only had vitamins for him to use as candy which seems sad so Tim went out last night to the gas station and bought 4 of those $.25 boxes of jawbreakers to use.  This afternoon, this occurred...

Matthew: Mom, I have $1.50 now.
Me:  Yeah?  How's that?
Matthew:  Emily gave me $1.50 for a box of the jawbreakers to take to school this morning.
Me:  Matthew!  Those were only $.25!
Matthew:  (giggling)  I know.
Me:  And Dad bought them!
Matthew:  (giggling)  I know.
Me:  That just seems wrong.
Matthew:  Will Dad be mad?
Me:  I think he will pretend to be upset but will privately be really proud of you.
Matthew: What do you mean?
Me:  Dude.  You just found a way to make money on something you didn't even BUY!!!  That is pretty smart!
Matthew:  Cool.
Me:  But I am not saying it is okay.

I am NOT the strict parent.  Can you tell?