Thursday, September 22, 2011

Am I crazy?

Hmmm, the question "Am I crazy?" could be asked for many different reasons in my life.  Am I crazy for getting engaged to some guy after we only dated for 8 months?  Am I crazy for marrying said guy 2 months after said engagement?  Am I crazy for getting pregnant (Tim's fault!!!) 2 months after we got married?  Am I crazy for having 5 children in 7 years?  Am I crazy for wanting to add more children to our four highly energized children?  Am I crazy for putting in my notice at work today without having a set job?

The answer:  Probably.  But let me take this one by one.

Am I crazy for getting engaged to some guy after we only dated for 8 months?  That was the longest 8 months of my life.  I told my dad after our first "date" (at York College, this meant going to the student center for some french fries and ranch dressing) that I had met the guy I was going to marry.  Let me tell you what happened and you will see why I knew he was "mine".  We were in a Monday evening class called Educational Psychology.  We had those long brown tables that can seat about 3 people on each side.  I was sitting next to this guy named Tim Cronquist.  All I knew about him was that he ran for freshman class president and won but I didn't vote for him.  Our teacher said, "We are going to take this quiz but I want you guys to spread out so you are not on top of each other."  I looked at this Tim guy and said, "As much as I would like to be on top of you, I am going to move over."  I owned him from that point on.  He got me my quiz, my pencil, and even asked, "Is there anything else I can get for you?"  He was mine!

Am I crazy for marrying said guy 2 months after said engagement?  Probably but since we were moving to a new city, it only made sense for us to get married so we weren't paying for two apartments in the same place.  I have to give kudos to my mom who pretty much put my wedding together.  I tried on and approved of the dress but other than that, I left the rest up to her b/c I really didn't care and she did an amazing job of putting it all together.  The only things that went wrong were out of her control.  My niece (thanks, Laura!) starting to bawl when my dad said, "Anyone who opposes this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."  And who would have thought that I would say, "Forsaking all lovers" instead of "forsaking all others"??? 

Am I crazy for getting pregnant (Tim's fault!!!) 2 months after we got married?  Tim and I were both dumbfounded when I got pregnant with Emily.  The fact that I got pregnant despite of using two forms of birth control was beyond our comprehension.  It wasn't until much later that we realized that this child was purely God.  Emily was the only reason I got up in the mornings after Samantha died.  Emily was the only reason that I continued to find joy after Samantha died.  Emily was the only reason we continued to have children because she was our proof that we could have healthy children.  All God.

Am I crazy for having 5 children in 7 years?  Also Tim's fault.

Am I crazy for wanting to add more children to our four highly energized children?  Probably.  However, we have four loving, caring, and supportive children who are so very excited to offer a loving environment to more children.  Once you have had four kids, what is one or two or three more???  The more, the merrier, right???

Am I crazy for putting in my notice at work today without having a set job?  I hope not.  This is one of those times in our life where I am just trusting that God has a plan for us.  I am putting in my application at all of the schools here to sub as a teacher associate or in the lunchroom or wherever they may need me.  Our goal is to get me back to being a stay-at-home-mom to be there for our foster/adopted kids just as much as I was for our own kids.  I am not saying that this is the only way to be a good parent but this is what we always wanted.  I have no desire to have a career.  I will get a job to get us through but my only goal is to be a good mom.  When I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a mom.  To eight kids, to be exact.  (Actually, at one point, I did want to be a pediatrician but that was before I realized how much school was involved.)  Maybe it isn't too late to be a mom of eight kids, but I just know that I want to do it closer to home than I am now.

So am I crazy?  Maybe.  But I would rather be "crazy" than boring.

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